“We are from a time when if something broke, we fixed it. We didn’t just throw it away and get a new one”
Friendships, relationships and marriages just don’t happen out of the blue and turn out to be ebulliently successful ones. Everything has its own ups and downs, and in understanding this is exactly where most of us fail to distinguish between reality and a fairy-tale. When it comes down to ‘Happy Ending’, we assume, like fairy-tales problems and conflicts arise just in the beginning or in between and eventually, once and for all it’ll lead to a beautiful happily ever after. Negative.
Unlike fairy-tales, there are so many informal rules both, the male and female need to abide by in order to keep up a healthy, long-term relationship alive. Or let’s just say marriage in order to reduce the other unnecessary complexities of a boyfriend and girlfriend drama. So, unlike a fairy-tale, a marriage is not always about a castle, horse and a glass-slipper. It’s more of an “It’s okay, I’m sorry and I will never give up on you, no matter how tough life gets!” commitment. Arguments, a lot of arguments are a sign of a healthy marriage as long as both the individuals manage to resolve their issue right before going to bed and as long as both don’t elongate the conflict until the next day, the next week and occasionally in the coming months and so on.
In an interview by the NBC News Better, a very famous couple, Casey & Meygan, who went from hating each other to loving one another like never before shared their story about how they managed to finally come to a proper understanding with one another without getting divorced. They just decided to fight fair, but not necessarily give up fighting. Caston also ended up saying about how if one wants to make a better marriage, one has to make himself a better person and yes, that’s an accurate point. The point of making oneself a better individual day by day, with every argument, minor and major, falls on both, the husband and the wife in order to fight fair.
On another note, the main reason to why many marriages hit the rock bottom at an earlier stage is due to the false expectations or false information of a marriage before getting into one fully prepared beforehand for all the surprising pros and cons of it.
Everybody talks about the bridal gown, nobody talks about the judgements from those elderly women who focus more on “That’s not how it’s supposed to be dressed!”. Everybody talks about cooking delicious meals for the husband, nobody talks about how hard it is to cook on time according to everyone’s preferences in that same home. Everybody talks about making babies, nobody talks about the difficulties of raising them. Everybody talks about outings on weekends, nobody talks about how at times either one or both of you are left exhausted at the end of a long day remaining at home eating the other day’s leftovers. Everybody talks about shopping all the time, nobody talks about their financial difficulties. You see the major difference? Nobody really expresses the other side of being happy all the time after getting married awakening the wrong sort of expectation on the ones who are yet to get married.
Understanding what you’re getting yourself into is first and preparing yourself for the consequences, good and bad, is next. Unfortunately, what many people end up doing is jump into the conclusion of wanting to end it when things seem tough. Without actually mending just the broken parts of their marriage. Arguments, misunderstandings, fights, not-talking, not-flirting 24 hours a day etcetera are all part of the actual growth of two people as a couple. What’s worse is, things take a complete turn, a complete 360 once you become parents, but what really matters is how you two understand the very fact about how at the end of the day it’s you as a family vs the minor obstacles that come in your way of being happy. Don’t jump into the idea of ‘divorce’ unless it’s really serious and until you have a valid reason to why a divorce is the only option left. If it’s at all an abusive partner, then of course, a divorce is the only solution.
‘Carpe Diem’ is a phrase that I try to embrace. It means seize the day, to make the most of the present and to give little thought to the past or future. In the time that I have here, I want to love and live life to the fullest while being a positive influence on others. And I want a full life for everyone.
– Matt Czuchry