Memory of a Laugh

You walk down the grim hallways, and see yourself laughing around with your friends in a corner. You see the smile radiate and you smile too. You look above and see the date. 4 years ago. Suddenly, your smile fades away as your eyes shift down and tears well up. You turn to your right and see yourself crouched down in a corner gasping for breath. You watch yourself as you cry an ear-piercing scream each time the belt lands on your shoulder. You quickly turn away. You see a stranger laugh as he jokes around with his family. You feel your lips form a smile, but the bottom of your heart reminds you that you no longer have what this stranger has. You shut your eyes and try to forget, but all you can do is recall. All the memories you buried aside, flash past your eyes. Your heart hurts with every beat as you watch what you set your eyes on, walk away into another fate. Your soul screams in agony as you step out of these hallways with bitter-sweet memories, like shards of glass that have pricked your heart.

Time heals the pain, they say.

You see your broken dreams scattered everywhere and you pick them up as you try to put them back together…

But you can’t.

You only end up bleeding over your own happiness.

So you decide to walk away. You shove your memories aside, but they come back to you anyway. That’s when you realise they’re a part of you that you can never get rid of. They’re etched into your heart, so you’ll never be able to brush away the memories.

You hold onto the very remains of your broken heart and lag a step forward, your heart throbbing with pain.

You can’t help looking back each and every time you hear his favourite song, nor can you help looking back each and every time you find a partially burnt photograph somewhere between your clothes.

You can’t help it, you can’t help the pain. It stays with you. It lives within you.

So you hold onto it, and force a smile. You reminisce each and every time someone talks about it and you laugh the way you laughed before. You cry your happy tears as nostalgia hits you and you no longer try to shove away the fact that it’s gone. You relive the beautiful memories while living in the present.

You accept it.


F. Zahra Yoonus

This interview was conducted on behalf of Merak Magazine.


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