The immediate loss

I stand here among so many people, tapping my feet every few seconds. There is quite a fracas in here, as people discuss the consequences of this accident. I am inside my own world, trying to wrap around the things that are taking place around me. Too many incidents and too many things to grasp onto, making things too complex. It makes everything hard to accept. It disables the way I function. It corrupts my sense of living and everything. It enables me to do the most absurdist of things. It pulls me into a haze, a saddening one. Yet, I stand here, tapping my feet, nonchalantly, as if nothing has happened at all. But I am a mess inside, trying to concede everything that has happened. The door swings open and silence fills the air.

And it is in this moment, that I get the feeling. The empty, hollow feeling that I get when I know something is terribly wrong. The feeling that eats me up- the feeling that fills me up with regret- the feeling that makes me crave for death than to stand here alive, witnessing the moment. While I stand here motionless, trying to comprehend what the doctor is saying, although I don’t understand a word he says, I get the picture. His emotions, the disappointment in having failed his only duty, shows in his face. Although I do not understand a word he says, my heart has understood that another heart has stopped beating. I watch the hearts before me crush itself into pieces trying to wrap around the fact that loss has come upon them. The abhorring feeling is building itself up within me, but the pain is overwhelming enough to take over. I understand then and there, what I failed to understand seconds before. You’ll never understand the value of a person, until they’re gone. I sink down as tears rolled down my cheeks. The one person I adored the most, is no more.

Fathima Zahra Yoonus

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