Merak Magazine

Parenting: Old System and a new Update.

Communal or domestic violence, crimes against women, child abuse and sexual harassment are some of the major issues the world is facing as of today. Even though strict laws have been imposed for criminals of such, the crime rate still hikes. To find a definite solution to this, many psychologists tried to break down the mental image of sex offenders, in order to discover the base of the problems. The findings are still unfortunate. In developed countries, development schemes are often introduced to empower communities and to help sustain life. Child Protective Services act as responsible bodies to fight child abuse and neglect, which is considered as the major threat to the society by psychological researchers of all time.  


However, in countries like Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Maldives, India and Sri Lanka, more than 30% of the female population within the age of 18-35 are unemployed housewives, a UN study reveals. According to a UNESCO report in 2015, the participation of women in University higher studies were sadly below 43%, although last year’s reports show major improvements, as women are increasingly outpacing men’s education participation at 60%-70% of university entrances, still in some parts of the community the debris seems to burden the effort.


According to United Nation’s Office on Drug and Crime, the report that analysed the International homicide rates by region, the Americans recorded a 17% of all the homicides in the world. Following Africa holding 12.5%, Europe and Oceania sharing 3% each and Asia contributing 2.9%.


Strangely, these issues look as if they are related directly to the government of the countries, the fault of the security officials or the failure of constitution to equalise the rights to basic needs; but admittedly by most psychologists tended to prove that the underlying factor for all these issues were psychological downfall of parenting.


Amy Chua, a Yale law professor with two daughters, writes about her Chinese heritage and the way in which it has influenced her parenting choices. Her daughters are not allowed to watch TV or play computer games, have sleepovers or play dates, or get any grade less than an A. Chua claims that these strict policies are the reason why her children have been so successful in school and in their music studies and argues that this type of parenting is common in Asian families.    


“Speaking of strict parenting cultures, we were guided through a discipline, by extreme measures. We were told to do our own dishes, to wash our underwear by ourselves, to study a decent amount of time, to roam around but to be home before it was too dark, to keep our rooms and belongings clean and neat; and to respect people the same way, or be grounded.”


An individual added, “You see, being grounded as a Brown Kid back in the 80’s and 90’s weren’t as same as of today. One bad feedback from school, would leave you a night without a meal. We were not grounded in a room that had a wall-mounted TV with a PlayStation or any mobile devices. My mom would force-feed me dinner at midnight, crying, and explaining why I shouldn’t do the same mistake again. And my dad would end up buying me another book and tell me to be a good boy. That changes a lot.” behavioural reinforcement in parenting, has shown greater effects on successful children than cognitive parenting programs or independent children observations. On an article by professors from Oxford, Warwick and Adelaide, it was mentioned that reinforcing good and bad behaviours in children, along with the right explanation to the cause can create significant betterment in children.  


May be in the above-average households, this might be the case. But in an average family, it is believed that the boys are being pampered and spoilt more than the girls. “A boy is blindly allowed to go to the movies with extra allowances, and no inquiries. Unfortunately a girl is refused a walk with her friend. A boy can drop out of high school and take up the family business but the girl who wants to pursue her Masters is shushed.” a woman claims.


“You can study after marriage with your husband’s permission.”


WARNING: Societal Judgment Below.


Parental alienation, like coercive control, violence in the home, is only perpetrated by one gender against the other, according to a journal in the Times states. Parental rejection of the child has powerful opposite effects. Ronald Simons, professor of Sociology at Iowa State University, summarises the research findings: “Rejected children tend to distrust and attribute malevolent motives to others, with the result being a defensive, if not aggressive, approach to peer interactions. Such parents not only fail to model and reinforce prosocial behaviour, they actually provide training in aggressive noncompliant behaviour.”



A similar rather shorter study was conducted between murderers and rapists, that revealed at least once, have they seen their mothers being beaten by their fathers or step fathers. Despite revelations, it was considered as the triggering point in a psychologically troubled mentality that is associated with a Dominant mindset. The acknowledgement by the society, purely for being a man; even after failures. With this psychological override in the attitudes of such men, will be constantly told that they are above the minority. And that attitude, creates bullies who’d pick on kids who are generally below their level, hatred for those who are above their status, and to sadly accept harassment and sexual abuses are the norms. 


According to CIS : Child Abuse and Neglect, and Dr. McCain NM writes in one of their research papers, that a large number of criminal records are filed against men who are suffering from psychological traumas from their childhood, mostly mistreated and ignored by their parents, who eventually turned into robbers, murderers and rapists. 


As much as we look forward to adapt to the changes in the world around us, the underlying fact is that, sometimes Old-school doesn’t necessarily mean backwards. As Dr. Guttmann-Steinmetz S. stated, boys need constant care and must be questioned of their behaviours as much. And like Ilhan Abdullahi Omar always said, Education of an adequate girl child must not be at halt. Because together they will be defining a future.

Feroz Mohamed

Feroz is an ardent reader who decided to write. Holds an associate in psychology on the side.
Feroz Mohamed
Feroz Mohamed

Feroz is an ardent reader who decided to write. Holds an associate in psychology on the side.

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