Anger is one of the 27 human emotions amongst which is also one of the 6 distinct ones, including happiness, sadness, fear, surprise and disgust. Our emotions are interconnected. That statement may be a little confusing or unacceptable, but you will know in detail as you keep reading. The reason I chose this topic to write about today is simple. Our anger affects us and the ones at the receiving end. That’s it. If anger is one of the basic human emotions, why is it being restricted and others aren’t? Why one must impose control over it? Because anger temporarily leaves us insane, takes away our self-control, overrides our decency and blinds us from seeing the outcome.
It is proven that in most cases, a natural, healthy guilt hits us up after we have vented out our anger and losing our temper or at least when the feeling of mistreating somebody surfaces in our mind.
Anger is a reflection on one’s disappointment. This is the basic idea. But initially, disappointment heads up the way to sadness. But since it is much easier to unleash our rage on an innocent bystander, than being upset and worried about the situation that had disappointed us, we believe it is a better way of coping. Wrong.
The occasional disappointment, when our expectation does not meet the outcome; does not normally trigger anger. Sometimes when we refuse to accept the reality and the thought of not getting what we wanted, triggers anger.
Firstly, let’s talk about regret. Regret is yearning to undo something said or done. This is when you prefer the things to be the way they used to be before. Regret is a little complicated than the rest, because it bundles other emotions within such as guilt, shame, embarrassment, grief or remorse. Repeating the events in our heads, getting stuck at the negativity and playing the ‘what if’ games that might tell us of potential outcomes, push us to blame ourselves for the same, which may lead to chronic disappointment and self-loathing rage.
Anger is triggered at the intersection of healthy regret and the inability to let go.
If there’s one things common for disappointment and regret, it is our expectation. With disappointment, we expected something different from reality and with regret, we expected something from our won behaviour. Sometimes, disappointments are acceptable because maybe they weren’t realistic enough. Working on such will help you feel lighter on your feet again. On the other hand, regrets help you prevent the same thing happening again in the future. I personally believe that without regrets, we can never know the kind of person who we truly wanted to be.
Everybody makes mistakes. But to learn from our mistakes, to take responsibility, to reverse and move forward, are the wisest. One must learn to accept their flaws and to able to forgive theirselves, which will eventually lead to happiness rather than anger.
Love is another beautiful and such a powerful emotion that triggers anger often. Like I said, they are interconnected. The more you love somebody, more angrier their actions may make you. Like a circle, you will find yourself at the door of expectations. To avoid love turning into anger, one must understand the concept of love and what it really means to them. Even when somebody you deeply care for caused you anger, it is possible to ward off from the situation and find love all over again. Instead of venting out and getting stuck within the regret bubble.
Before replying to a message immediately when you are angry, leave the phone aside for two minutes and think how much you value that person.
The message you intended to send 2 minutes ago wouldn’t make sense anymore. And it can save you a relationship.
Remember, words hurt.
— Feroz (@iandmypoodle) May 8, 2020
Fear is the next most closer emotion to anger. Fear is often the root of anger. When I say root, there’s an explanation there. Fear is not a primary emotion; it is a reaction of another emotion instead. So when we talk about fear based anger, it is mostly likely to be violent. In fact, violent or not, fear could be the root for all anger. Fear of rejection, inadequacy and failure are some forms we can think of. Although, fear based anger is mainly connected to psychological issues that is seen amongst criminals; we must all learn to accept fear, embrace it and believe it is a part of life. The emotions aren’t leaving us; the only way to cope is to learn how to control them rather than letting our emotions control us.
Anger has put so many victims in the darkness, left them emotionally captive and mentally backlogged. If you ever find yourself building up on a rage, walk out; remove yourself from the situation and avoid having your say. Give it a rest before reacting. And if you had reacted already, swallow your pride. Apologise to the extent of how bad you want to make things up to them.
If you believe talking about it might trigger your anger again, try writing it out. Rant your feelings in an email where it can be best explained. As much as possible, let’s refrain from hurting another soul by our words or action.