A Letter To My Old Self

Dear girl who had a shoddy past,

I am hoping that we will never meet again and therefore writing this letter to talk to you, to confess, to thank you for the times you have been there for me when the whole world let me down.

You and I are two different characters but have been through the same road of disappointments, miseries, pain, betrayals, harassment, failures and all that a woman should never be through but ended up in different destinations.

I want to apologize to you for every wrong decisions I made in life that turned out to be the reason for who you became— nasty woman of bad morales with a broken heart. I am sorry I let you down and put you in wrong hands, made you the scapegoat to my wrong desires. I want to apologize for these scars in my body from self-harming, for times I attempted suicide in my most cowardice moments. Forgive me for all that the world thinks and speaks of you now. If you don’t forgive me, I cannot complete my journey to redemption.

You have been there with me as my only true companion when my whole little circle of true loves turned me down. Your invisible hugs, hands that wiped hot tears off my face I cannot thank enough for. I am grateful to you for all your strength and weaknesses, if not for those I cannot have been a human.

You are flawed and so am I but the world only sees what it chooses to see even if we choose to show the perfect of all perfection. Yes, we are both full of errors but you, you are beyond the thoughts of little human minds.

We departed when I decided to leave the past behind; our worst mistakes, best memories and all that had to do with people I’ve walked away from.

Life hasn’t been a bed of roses but I am sure I shall walk these thorns, bleed my soul to complete my journey of redemption.

You, you shall be the only person I shall turn to for help. For in your mistakes, I find realization. In the realization, I shall try to overcome the pain of guilt and shame.

Love,

A newer version of yourself.

Nuha Faiz

BA undergraduate. Teacher by profession, reader by birth and a writer by choice. I bond over anything well-written, aesthetics, food and cats.

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